She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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