i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
