So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
