i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
