Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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