you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
