**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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