My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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