in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My feet surprised me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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