I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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