this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
