So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
