fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize