yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
