We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
