All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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