So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
