I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
