God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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