y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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