Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize