Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
