there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
