No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
