Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
