Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
