Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
