Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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