You can't special order awesome
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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