If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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