You smell like stripper and shame
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
