PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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