Ambien. No doubt about it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
