yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
