Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
