I didn't shave. On purpose
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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