I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They took my balls.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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