i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
