Apparently you make a good broom.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
