Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize