This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
