Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
