Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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