I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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