My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
