I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
