I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
