Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
