so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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