I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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