Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
