I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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