Quick, to the slutcave!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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