apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
