Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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