sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
