my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
