I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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