Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
