im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
