So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
