Umm I'm too high to move.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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