Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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