69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
