you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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