im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I forgot how hot balto sounded
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I party with great urgency now.
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