I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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