no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
