what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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