hell yes lets make some ravioli
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
