Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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