How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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