I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize