How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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