dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
