I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize