someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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