Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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