I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
