well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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