he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
