So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
