K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
