I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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