instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
