why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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