dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I won the penis lottery.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
