Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just tell him i said nine months
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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