I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
