The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
