I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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