omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
