she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
