So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
