I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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