You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
