do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
